A Case Of You
When good love goes bad, here are 5 ways to get over (& through) it.
This past summer was like many others—I almost fell in love. It was that type of love that came on slow, but crashed even slower. Though this wasn’t my first summertime-romance-rodeo, this one just felt different. He was a nice guy with an actual life plan. He knew what his life would look like in 5 years—always joking in between the crossing of blocks about what his apartment would look like, and poking at if I’d still see myself in New York by that time. He always paid for drinks without making it weird—a point of contention for so many from my past. And, he genuinely wanted to get to know me:
What my parents were like and if I thought they really knew who I was.
Who I listen to when I’m feeling low
How my sushi spot in my new neighborhood compares to the one I loved in my old neighborhood.
Like all summer romances though, you famously must end as soon as people starting talking about pumpkins. And while summer romances are never famously long, the pain that follows them is deep & prickly. Sort of like when you hit your funny bone. Everything hurts, but you can’t quite pinpoint why or where. It’s just all over.
If you’ve recently found yourself wading through the break up waves of a fresh (or old) romance, here are 5 ways to get through it according to me:
Cry in the shower. Really hard. Crying releases all those really good feelings they always talk about in research papers—something about oxytocin and endorphins and how they help move you through your physical and emotional pain. And showers? They just sort of wash it all away.
Plan a fun night out with people you LOVE LOVE LOVE! There’s so much !!!! in spending time with the people you love, but on top of that, there’s always this weird sense of magic that washes over you when you’re out with friends post break-up. Sort of like anything in those next waking moments could be true meet-cute fate.
Maybe you’ll meet someone:
In line for the bathroom at a really janky bar who compliments those loafers you weren’t sure if you should wear out but did at the last minute.
While you’re waiting for that delayed train home even though you almost hit ‘confirm’ on that $45 car ride home (don’t worry, we all make mistakes sometimes).
Eating subpar pizza from that spot by the bridge you swore you’d never go to instead of eating the takeout you saved for yourself at home.
“And that kids, is how I met your…”
Try something new, no matter how silly or serious it may be. If there’s something you’ve been thinking about testing out, there’s most likely a ‘try class’ for it. Try classes are typically drop-in classes that allow you to try something out without the full commitment (lol).
Think: cooking, painting, drawing, bouquet making, etc.
These classes always end up being fun in their own way, you meet new people, and you learn something new! Also…just a great way to get your mind off your ex.
Make a list. This can be any list, as long as it refers back to the relationship. Writing things out in this way really allows you to get everything you’ve ever compartmentalized out of your brain, and in front of your face. In the past, I’ve defined this list by what I was willing to put up with during the relationship, vs what I’m now not.
When you’re able to break things down like this, you discover what you’ve learned from the relationship, what you’re hoping to experience in your next one, and why maybe, just maybe, this one really wasn’t meant to be.
Also, when doing this, it’s good to remember that no one is perfect, and your partner was (and is) learning too.
Set an early morning alarm that gets you up waaaay before you need to actually be up, and go for a walk. Grab your journal and/or headphones, find a park, and brain dump. There’s something incredibly therapeutic about taking those first few moments of your day to be your silly little self.
I like to break down my journaling this way:
Brain dumping—writing out everything I’m feeling in that moment.
Goals for the week—can just be about you getting out of bed earlier, cooking a yummy dinner for yourself, signing up for a workout class, solving an on-going problem at work, remembering to water your plant—truly, whatever!
Manifestations for the week—everyone approaches this differently, but I always find this fun to do, because something always ends up coming to fruition, and the ones that don’t I forget about!
FIN
Wherever you may, and however you may be feeling, sending you a big hug.
Oh, and P.S.: A playlist for your troubles a la the tyvm team: Tap here to start listening.
