Advice on moving to a new city, being open about mental health, and lying!
FROM: I wanna go home
Hey Emma, I recently moved to a new city, and truth be told, I hate it here. I initially moved for a job and also to get out of my hometown. I knew if I didn’t leave when I did (about 2 months ago), I would probably never leave! But now, it feels like I’ve made a huge mistake. I don’t really like my job, it’s been really hard to find community, and I’m just feeling like I’ve made a massive mistake. Any advice on how to get through this?
ES:
You’ll feel SO much more at home when you really get to know the city you live in, I can promise you this. Become besties with your bartender at a nearby dive and learn the barista at your local coffee shop’s birth chart (if I know one thing about baristas, it’s that they all know their big three and will fall over backward to share them with you). Make a Bumble BFF account! Take a pottery class! Join a polycule! Why not!
If you’ve tried this and it’s still not working, it’s also possible that switching jobs would make you feel better about your situation as well. Everyone’s quitting their jobs these days anyway - think on it!
But don’t forget - you don’t have to live in your current city just to get out of your hometown. If you really, truly don’t feel like you don’t want to live there, you can always move somewhere else. The one good thing about not having a community in a city you live in? It’s always easy to leave.
FROM: To share or not to share
Dear Emma,
I've recently been struggling with my mental health, which has caused me to go kinda hermit mode, though not in an incredibly obvious way. It's definitely just something I need to work through on my own, but should I tell my friends? Even though we always hear about the benefits of being more open and vulnerable about mental health, I kinda just feel embarrassed even bringing it up. What do you think?
ES:
Not telling anyone what you’re going through due to embarrassment will help no one. Your friends might be hurt and confused by your lack of communication. It will only make your pain grow more severe. Acting like your struggles with mental health are completely particular to you, and only you can be pretty isolating.
I used to hide what I was going through from everyone, but I honestly never had any real friends when I was doing that. Ever since I started doing what some people might consider over-sharing (i.e., admitting that I’ve been living in squalor recently and there’s currently a carpet of clothes on my floor that I once walked over with outdoor shoes on) (I know it’s disgusting!!!! But I’m very depressed and at least I’m self-aware), I’ve found that my connections to people are so much deeper. I learned that I’m not the only one with disgusting “hermit-like” habits. In fact, we are all so much more connected and alike than we think - which, to me, is an extremely comforting thought.
Honesty is, honestly, charming. Think about all those “relatable” celebrities who admit that they eat pizza. Everyone loves them because “they’re just like other girls” - and other girls also go hermit mode! You’re the Jennifer Lawrence of hermit mode.
FROM: Age is nothing but a number (right?)
Hey Emma! I‘ve been going on dates with a guy I really like, and everything has been going really well. After a bout of unsuccessful dates with people I had to convince myself I like, I finally feel like I’ve found a good one. The only issue is I found out through some sleuthing that he lied about his age! He’s 2 years younger than me, and while that’s not crazy (in terms of the age gap), I feel weird now. Do I bring this up to him?
ES:
Age is one of the few things that it’s hard to keep up a lie about. Like, there’s literally a paper trail for that! License, passport, Costar account - your birth date is all over the place. Just how long did he think he could keep this lie up? This may be hard to hear, but to me, it sounds like he wasn’t planning on taking this seriously - or at least that he has zero forward-thinking skills.
That said, you don’t want to admit that you’ve done sleuthing on him. You have to find a way to confront him about this without making it seem like you already know this. My suggestion? Play the “Can I see your driver’s license picture” game. Bring out yours to even the playing field. You laugh at his picture, and then you suddenly “can’t help but notice” the birth date. Now you have the opportunity to playfully say, “Wait a minute, I thought you were my age,” and he has the opportunity to come clean about this himself. His reaction to this, how he tells you, should help you figure out what to do. If he reacts immaturely (which you definitely should brace yourself for, lol) then the next steps should become clear to you.
